Well it wasn’t all my fault really. I told the nice man that worked at the quad biking place that I hadn’t quad biked ever before and I hadn’t even driven a car for 6 years, dammit. And if he’s not going to give me any bleedin’ lessons or explain the rules or anything then what does he expect? I mean things might have been different if we’d just driven round a field or a track or something and there weren’t any trees to smash into or deep muddy watery holes to get stuck in. Oh no, he just stuck me behind the wheel, showed me the accelerator and brake and I was on my own. Onto a very bendy track through a forest up the side of a hill, full of huge deep treacherous puddles and, well, a lot of trees. Obviously. What with it being a forest and all…Everything went swimmingly well for the first half hour. I was speeding around that forest like a very competent quad biker indeed. Then there was this tree. Just jumped out at me from nowhere it did. The bumper went flying into the middle distance, the front of the quad bike crumpled up like a bit of tissue paper. The nice man hadn’t smiled once since I met him and certainly wasn’t smiling now. He spent a long time trying to realign the wheel and axle and then, very stupidly in my opinion, let me go behind the wheel again. In a matter of minutes we were stuck at a 70 degree angle in a very deep and very watery, muddy hole. The nice man said nothing. He took 20 minutes to get his smashed up vehicle to a normal, horizontal angle, by which time all the thick wet mud he had sent flying off the front off side wheel had now settled and dried all over my face and sun glasses. Not a centimetre of skin, clothing or glasses could be seen from the top of my head to my waist. I showed the nice man my classy new look, cos it was quite funny really. Thought it might cheer him up a bit. He did not smile. Not one little teeny weeny bit. Instead he took the wheel and we drove back in stony silence. Some people have very little humour don’t you think…
Anyway, aside from that little mishap the trip so far has remained without incident. We spent some lovely days in Russia, exploring all things Russian. A very, very impressive country indeed and so bloody huge it’s almost unreal. We’ve been through 6 time zones in the past week and have no idea what time it is any more, let alone what day it is.
We met up with a crowd of English/German/French for various parts of our Russian train journey, God knows between where and where. More vodka flowed, many languages were spoken (including ancient Greek?!), we learnt the German word for fart. ‘Poopsen’, if anyone’s interested. Very cultural, these trips can be, you know. We waited for 9 HOURS at the Russian/Mongolian border, and another 6 at the Mongolia/China border, during which time the sniffer dogs were bought onto the train, every nook and cranny searched by more surly looking people in uniforms. Again, the toilets were closed for the duration. But it’s amazing what you can do with a cut-in-half coke bottle and a plastic bag…..
Soooo. We’ve just finished staying at 2 most wonderful ger camps, one on the steppes of Mongolia and the other in the Gobi desert. Mongolia is a fantastic country, with huge grassy plains, endless sky and very gentle, hospitable people. We’ve visited some beautiful temples and monastries, did some great hiking, camel and horse riding. A few days ago we spent the day with a 350-year-old monk called Bator who was quite obviously an extra from Lord of the Rings (what an outfit - check out the next lot of photos!!). We visited an ’energy temple’ in the middle of the desert where you had to go through the most ridiculous rituals to be re energised and at one with the elements (or something like that..) I kid you not, for about 3 hours we had to (all very dead pan as well, if you don‘t mind); throw milk over a massive pair of 12 ft high stone breasts (yes, really), stand on a stone and stare into a huge third eye for 20 seconds, walk around a sacred wheel in a clockwise direction 3 times, whisper all our bad deeds into a pile of stones (that took quite a long time), pour water into 7 bowls, scatter 3 handfuls of grain from 7 smaller bowls, tie a blue scarf onto another pile of stones, sing a sacred Mongolian song (oh yes indeed, there’s video footage of that….), lie in all the dust and desert shite to connect with the earth, then press our kidneys into a rock to ensure lovely and healthy kidneys for eternity. To finish off we all had to hold hands and weave our way around some treacherous rocks and caves so that we could all become ’brothers and sisters of Shambola’. Don’t know about feeling energised…after that lot we were worn out and had to take to our beds for 3 hours.
Bloody knackered, we were.
And Gawd ‘elp us, for some of our stay in Mongolia was it friggin’ COLD!! A least 400 degrees below zero, and after the wind chill factor, well, you’ve never experienced anything like it in your life. Lillian hung out dripping wet trousers, 5 minutes later they were frozen solid. To do the 40 second dash from the ger to the toilet in the middle of the night was frankly ridiculous and something I will never, ever do again in my life. I mean I’m nearly 50 you know, and I wasn’t built for undertaking such stupid activities.
Anyway, Mongolia is now in the past. We are currently back on the train, speeding our way through Northern China, Beijing bound. So I’ll be signing off now for a while. I’ll collect some adventures during our month in China and get back to you later! Lots of love to you all - hope all is well in your world! Please keep sending me your gossip - if you haven’t got any, make it up.....
The photos for this lot can be found under the same address I sent before - title 'Penelope Pitstop, Mongolia to The Gobi.....'
09 November 2010
22 January 2008
Saving The Planet by Lesley and John - The Galapagos Islands
Right. Now this is what I want you all to do. Put down your cup of tea, turn off the telly/computer/game boy, stop EVERYTHING. Right now. Now get down your local travel agents and book a trip to The Galapagos. Because the Galapagos is truly, honestly, totally magnificent. For those of you who’ve seen programmes or pictures of these islands - that’s what they’re like. Unspoiled, beautiful, peaceful and TEEMING with wildlife. Animals that are not one eensy, weensy bit scared or worried about bleedin’ great human types treading over and between them every day. They do not bat an eyelid. They do not move a muscle. Frankly, my dears, they couldn’t give a damn. WE LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A group of 15 of us sailed around these gorgeous islands for a week, living on a very lovely boat and visiting different islands every day. We would hike around for hours amongst hundreds of sea lions, many different types of weird and wonderful iguanas, giant pelicans, bleedin’ great big red crabs (charmingly called Sally Lightfoots!?), giant tortoises and loads of mental looking birds, the blue footed booby being our very favourite and undoubtedly most stupid looking. When we weren’t hiking we were swimming and snorkelling amongst sting rays, mad looking fish, sharks (yes, sharks....), HUGE Pacific Green turtles and just the occasional dolphin or 40....
In the evenings we would eat very super 3 course dinners and drink just a bit of wine to wash it all down. Well it’s very thirsty and hungry work doing all that hiking and snorkelling, as you can imagine....
Please check out John’s photo blog website thingy, all will be revealed. The address is http://picasaweb.google.com/john.boylan3 Now in case you’re scared to do this (’cos we all know how John likes to take a photo or 200....) please let me assure you that I have monitored his editing process VERY carefully, and from the 440 photos he took, you will only receive 56. Which is not bad at all, ’cos there were some bloomin’ LOVELY photos to sort through, let me tell you.
A perfect trip really - apart from my broken rib, of course. Well I don’t know that it’s really broken, ’cos I really don’t feel the need to visit another bloody hospital when I’m trying to save the planet, so can’t have it confirmed. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. Only when I’m laughing, coughing, sneezing, moving or breathing, mind you, so maybe it’s not so bad after all. It was Uli´s fault you see....he was a fellow passenger - lovely young German chappie with a very marvellous sense of humour - and a penchant for breaking young fair lady’s ribs. All I was doing was trying to scramble back onto the boat, in a very unladylike-more-like-a-beached-whale-like manner and Uli INSISTED in hauling me up on deck. Except, I didn’t reach the deck: instead my rib cage just smashed into the side of the boat, breaking at least 10 of my ribs. Well maybe 3…….alright, just the one then. Or maybe it was just cracked. Or bruised. Whatever. It hurts.
But worry not, despite my unbearable pain, the planet will continue to be saved. As from tomorrow in fact. Me and the wee fella are off to wildlife centre for a month, in The Andes, a lovely place surrounded by volcanoes. It’s called Santa Martha - if you get a chance, look it up on the web. Lovely bloomin’ animals there to look after, including giant Galapagos tortoises, though how they managed to swim 1000km to the mainland from their bit of paradise is beyond me. This centre looks fab - with the one exception that we will be sharing a dorm, undoubtedly with very young skinny people that party late and snore a lot. God help ’em if they start, that’s all I can say. Watch this space. I will keep you posted.
Ok my lovelies, that’s about all from me. We’ll have internet contact near the centre, about half an hour’s walk away, so will be able to remain in touch with you all. Please drop a line if you get the time and let us know how life is in your corner of the world.
But PLEASE do not send messages by that friggin´ bebo/face book/fun wall thing. Fun it most certainly is not. I’ll be buggered if I can open up anything on any of ’em....drives me nuts and will very probably be something else that would hurt my rib. So just ordinary email please. Humour me. I’m old and don’t understand funwall type things. Ok, enough rambling. Lots of love to you all.
And little Eve - what’s the news on those bleedin’ udders?
Me and the little fella. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Have you opened those photos yet? Come on, hurry up…..
Right. Now this is what I want you all to do. Put down your cup of tea, turn off the telly/computer/game boy, stop EVERYTHING. Right now. Now get down your local travel agents and book a trip to The Galapagos. Because the Galapagos is truly, honestly, totally magnificent. For those of you who’ve seen programmes or pictures of these islands - that’s what they’re like. Unspoiled, beautiful, peaceful and TEEMING with wildlife. Animals that are not one eensy, weensy bit scared or worried about bleedin’ great human types treading over and between them every day. They do not bat an eyelid. They do not move a muscle. Frankly, my dears, they couldn’t give a damn. WE LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A group of 15 of us sailed around these gorgeous islands for a week, living on a very lovely boat and visiting different islands every day. We would hike around for hours amongst hundreds of sea lions, many different types of weird and wonderful iguanas, giant pelicans, bleedin’ great big red crabs (charmingly called Sally Lightfoots!?), giant tortoises and loads of mental looking birds, the blue footed booby being our very favourite and undoubtedly most stupid looking. When we weren’t hiking we were swimming and snorkelling amongst sting rays, mad looking fish, sharks (yes, sharks....), HUGE Pacific Green turtles and just the occasional dolphin or 40....
In the evenings we would eat very super 3 course dinners and drink just a bit of wine to wash it all down. Well it’s very thirsty and hungry work doing all that hiking and snorkelling, as you can imagine....
Please check out John’s photo blog website thingy, all will be revealed. The address is http://picasaweb.google.com/john.boylan3 Now in case you’re scared to do this (’cos we all know how John likes to take a photo or 200....) please let me assure you that I have monitored his editing process VERY carefully, and from the 440 photos he took, you will only receive 56. Which is not bad at all, ’cos there were some bloomin’ LOVELY photos to sort through, let me tell you.
A perfect trip really - apart from my broken rib, of course. Well I don’t know that it’s really broken, ’cos I really don’t feel the need to visit another bloody hospital when I’m trying to save the planet, so can’t have it confirmed. But it hurts. It hurts a lot. Only when I’m laughing, coughing, sneezing, moving or breathing, mind you, so maybe it’s not so bad after all. It was Uli´s fault you see....he was a fellow passenger - lovely young German chappie with a very marvellous sense of humour - and a penchant for breaking young fair lady’s ribs. All I was doing was trying to scramble back onto the boat, in a very unladylike-more-like-a-beached-whale-like manner and Uli INSISTED in hauling me up on deck. Except, I didn’t reach the deck: instead my rib cage just smashed into the side of the boat, breaking at least 10 of my ribs. Well maybe 3…….alright, just the one then. Or maybe it was just cracked. Or bruised. Whatever. It hurts.
But worry not, despite my unbearable pain, the planet will continue to be saved. As from tomorrow in fact. Me and the wee fella are off to wildlife centre for a month, in The Andes, a lovely place surrounded by volcanoes. It’s called Santa Martha - if you get a chance, look it up on the web. Lovely bloomin’ animals there to look after, including giant Galapagos tortoises, though how they managed to swim 1000km to the mainland from their bit of paradise is beyond me. This centre looks fab - with the one exception that we will be sharing a dorm, undoubtedly with very young skinny people that party late and snore a lot. God help ’em if they start, that’s all I can say. Watch this space. I will keep you posted.
Ok my lovelies, that’s about all from me. We’ll have internet contact near the centre, about half an hour’s walk away, so will be able to remain in touch with you all. Please drop a line if you get the time and let us know how life is in your corner of the world.
But PLEASE do not send messages by that friggin´ bebo/face book/fun wall thing. Fun it most certainly is not. I’ll be buggered if I can open up anything on any of ’em....drives me nuts and will very probably be something else that would hurt my rib. So just ordinary email please. Humour me. I’m old and don’t understand funwall type things. Ok, enough rambling. Lots of love to you all.
And little Eve - what’s the news on those bleedin’ udders?
Me and the little fella. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Have you opened those photos yet? Come on, hurry up…..
31 December 2007
Saving The Planet By Lesley and John (Mysterious Journey)
Now then, we have had many a bus trip in developing countries and on the whole they are very enjoyable. They are usually quite uneventful and you get to see huge chunks a country for very little cost. (Scottish you understand!)
Well, this one started very well and it went very badly wrong quickly and severely even before the journey started. As we arrived at the bus a young South American looking man took our bags and put them in the hold. He wore a nice 'uniform'; pressed trousers, blue tie and crisp, white, pressed shirt. We got onto the bus about 20 minutes before departure. The coach/bus was sort of nice too, by South American standards. We were sitting in the second ‘row’ of seats. A good seat, I thought, until I noticed what was going on in the first row of 4 seats. There were three adults and four of the most loud and unruly children I have so far seen in S America. The kids, from about 18 months to about 6 years of age were loud, screaming and jumping around all over. The 7 of them were sharing 4 seats. (It seems that kids do not get there own seats.) Then about 5 minutes before we set off a young woman got on with a ticket that assigned her to seat number 3; right in the middle of this rabble!!! So, now there are 7 of them in 3 seats and a poor unrelated soul in the middle of them. I never got a look at this young woman's face; it must have had the look of fear and terror.
At 7.00pm, all, apart from the loud family, were settled and the bus moved off. We went down a ramp and out into the street just outside the station, whereupon the bus stopped and picked up 2 more passengers........... but also 7 got off! They say that travel broadens the mind; I would agree with this but I would add that it also deepens the mystery. It’s like boarding a bus in Victoria bus station bound for Aberdeen and then getting off just as it turns into Buckingham Palace Road. Why? (I know me and Lesley have asked this ‘Why’ question many, many times before.)
As we left the mountainous Quito, its beauty was laid out before us like an inverted sky twinkling below us. After about 10 minutes they turned off all the lights and I thought we could all get an early night, if it wasn't for the mayhem going on in the front row. Then about 20 minutes into this 12 hour journey the lights came back on as we pulled into an eatery. We stayed there 20 minutes for people to eat, drink!
Back on the bus, instead of the lights going out again, our conductor appeared with plastic cups and biscuits. He proceeded to give these out to each passenger (right after he picked his nose). All the passengers had a plastic cup and biscuits when the conductor disappeared and then reappeared with a huge bottle of coke which he seemed to be getting ready to go around the bus pouring into peoples' plastic cups!!! We were still about 8,000 feet up a mountain and twisting and turning. The bus driver made no allowances for the plight of his colleague as he sped down the mountain.
But, the conductor proceeded with his foolish task!! He went around in a very comical way trying to stay upright and pour coke into small plastic cups. (Imagine……… Instead of the conductor, in your mind, replace him with by Charlie Chaplin – get the picture?) (Mystery: who thought pouring coke on such a journey was a good idea?) That crisp, white and pressed shirt is not going to stay like that, I thought. I wasn't wrong.
Throughout all of this they had Latin American music playing very loudly. I only noticed this when the kids were quiet for a second when they were drinking that part of the coke that had arrived in their plastic cup. Feeding number 2 over with, the conductor put on the ‘big film’.
It was a Bruce Willis film, Die Hard 4. The conductor turned the volume right up because otherwise no one would have heard it over the loud Latin American music that continued to play throughout the movie (Why?) - and of course the noise from children from hell. At midnight as the film finished, we stopped again for food. It was raining hard but we got off the bus and stood in the rain. What a welcome relief from the turmoil of that bus.
We were back on the bus by 12.30am and some peace descended on the coach until about 3.15am when most passengers got off at some God forsaken place in the middle of nowhere, where not a building stood. But then another load got on.....at that time of night…..where from? (Mysteries)
It was just after 4.30 when the bus pulled into Puerto Lopez, our final destination!!! Ughhhhh!! We should have been arriving at 7.00am. We stepped out into a street which had an inch thick pool of mud all over it. Of course, it had been raining here too. But here we were in the middle of the night, all the other passengers disappearing into the pitch dark and we had nowhere to go until things opened in the morning! We found a very hard road side kerb to sit on until a café opened at 7.00am!!
It felt very safe doing this in a South American town …………………..NOT!
Well, this one started very well and it went very badly wrong quickly and severely even before the journey started. As we arrived at the bus a young South American looking man took our bags and put them in the hold. He wore a nice 'uniform'; pressed trousers, blue tie and crisp, white, pressed shirt. We got onto the bus about 20 minutes before departure. The coach/bus was sort of nice too, by South American standards. We were sitting in the second ‘row’ of seats. A good seat, I thought, until I noticed what was going on in the first row of 4 seats. There were three adults and four of the most loud and unruly children I have so far seen in S America. The kids, from about 18 months to about 6 years of age were loud, screaming and jumping around all over. The 7 of them were sharing 4 seats. (It seems that kids do not get there own seats.) Then about 5 minutes before we set off a young woman got on with a ticket that assigned her to seat number 3; right in the middle of this rabble!!! So, now there are 7 of them in 3 seats and a poor unrelated soul in the middle of them. I never got a look at this young woman's face; it must have had the look of fear and terror.
At 7.00pm, all, apart from the loud family, were settled and the bus moved off. We went down a ramp and out into the street just outside the station, whereupon the bus stopped and picked up 2 more passengers........... but also 7 got off! They say that travel broadens the mind; I would agree with this but I would add that it also deepens the mystery. It’s like boarding a bus in Victoria bus station bound for Aberdeen and then getting off just as it turns into Buckingham Palace Road. Why? (I know me and Lesley have asked this ‘Why’ question many, many times before.)
As we left the mountainous Quito, its beauty was laid out before us like an inverted sky twinkling below us. After about 10 minutes they turned off all the lights and I thought we could all get an early night, if it wasn't for the mayhem going on in the front row. Then about 20 minutes into this 12 hour journey the lights came back on as we pulled into an eatery. We stayed there 20 minutes for people to eat, drink!
Back on the bus, instead of the lights going out again, our conductor appeared with plastic cups and biscuits. He proceeded to give these out to each passenger (right after he picked his nose). All the passengers had a plastic cup and biscuits when the conductor disappeared and then reappeared with a huge bottle of coke which he seemed to be getting ready to go around the bus pouring into peoples' plastic cups!!! We were still about 8,000 feet up a mountain and twisting and turning. The bus driver made no allowances for the plight of his colleague as he sped down the mountain.
But, the conductor proceeded with his foolish task!! He went around in a very comical way trying to stay upright and pour coke into small plastic cups. (Imagine……… Instead of the conductor, in your mind, replace him with by Charlie Chaplin – get the picture?) (Mystery: who thought pouring coke on such a journey was a good idea?) That crisp, white and pressed shirt is not going to stay like that, I thought. I wasn't wrong.
Throughout all of this they had Latin American music playing very loudly. I only noticed this when the kids were quiet for a second when they were drinking that part of the coke that had arrived in their plastic cup. Feeding number 2 over with, the conductor put on the ‘big film’.
It was a Bruce Willis film, Die Hard 4. The conductor turned the volume right up because otherwise no one would have heard it over the loud Latin American music that continued to play throughout the movie (Why?) - and of course the noise from children from hell. At midnight as the film finished, we stopped again for food. It was raining hard but we got off the bus and stood in the rain. What a welcome relief from the turmoil of that bus.
We were back on the bus by 12.30am and some peace descended on the coach until about 3.15am when most passengers got off at some God forsaken place in the middle of nowhere, where not a building stood. But then another load got on.....at that time of night…..where from? (Mysteries)
It was just after 4.30 when the bus pulled into Puerto Lopez, our final destination!!! Ughhhhh!! We should have been arriving at 7.00am. We stepped out into a street which had an inch thick pool of mud all over it. Of course, it had been raining here too. But here we were in the middle of the night, all the other passengers disappearing into the pitch dark and we had nowhere to go until things opened in the morning! We found a very hard road side kerb to sit on until a café opened at 7.00am!!
It felt very safe doing this in a South American town …………………..NOT!
25 December 2007
Good Bye Costa Rica, Hello Ecuador
HELLO ALL!!
Well, worry no longer, Costa Rica has now been saved, although I do wonder if we should've just let the toucan species become extinct....(that was Andrew's idea - nice one, Andrew....) The work was lovely, the animals were very marvellous (well nearly all of them), though we did have some very naughty escapees during our time there:-
Now I'm not going to take a long time with this email....no really I'm not. Basically because I'm on a free internet in a hostel in San Jose ('cos I'm very poor and can't afford to go to a proper cafe that charges 40 pence an hour...) And because it's free there are many other poor travelling types standing around waiting for their chance to use something for free, so I must be a fair and nice person and give them a go (even though they are very young and very beautiful and very skinny).
So it just leaves me to say have a WONDERFUL festive time, whatever you're doing.
We're moving off to Ecuador shortly, to sort out a bit of a Galapagos cruise before working on saving their country, like we've just saved Costa Rica. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it....
Lots of love from me and the wee fella xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well, worry no longer, Costa Rica has now been saved, although I do wonder if we should've just let the toucan species become extinct....(that was Andrew's idea - nice one, Andrew....) The work was lovely, the animals were very marvellous (well nearly all of them), though we did have some very naughty escapees during our time there:-
- 2 monkies came strolling down the path one day....
- Louise the tapir ambled into the food storage area and ate all the papaya.......
- A wild pig ate through the gate 3 times and terrorised all the other wild pigs that hadn't had the good sense to chew through any gates.......
- 2 Pava Crestadas (remember the 12' high ones with talons like shovels) ate through their netting and were never seen again.
FREEDOM!!
The other volunteer would worry lots about these episodes. I however was always hugely delighted when a break out was announced.
Now I'm not going to take a long time with this email....no really I'm not. Basically because I'm on a free internet in a hostel in San Jose ('cos I'm very poor and can't afford to go to a proper cafe that charges 40 pence an hour...) And because it's free there are many other poor travelling types standing around waiting for their chance to use something for free, so I must be a fair and nice person and give them a go (even though they are very young and very beautiful and very skinny).
So it just leaves me to say have a WONDERFUL festive time, whatever you're doing.
We're moving off to Ecuador shortly, to sort out a bit of a Galapagos cruise before working on saving their country, like we've just saved Costa Rica. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it....
Lots of love from me and the wee fella xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
21 December 2007
REST EASY IN YER BEDS....THE PLANET IS BEING SAVED - AGAIN!!
Yes folks, we´ve actually been saving it for 7 WHOLE DAYS now....7 excrutiating, painful, agonising days of getting up at 6.00AM, getting a beat up old bus to work, having only ONE HOUR break, before leaving at 3.30....This is indeed a tough life we are leading...Let me explain...
Now then. what does our new job entail? Well, in a nutshell, we´ve been up to our EYEBALLS in shit and filth and rotting papaya (pigs love that) and cleaning everything is sight - pathways, cages, walls...feeding all sorts of lovely creatures - some I´ve never seen or heard of in my entire exsistance....I mean have YOU EVER heard of a Tepezcuintles, eh eh?? Well let me tell you they´re just wonderful little creature things with huge eyes and spotty backs and long licky tongues and they like to stand on your welly boot and try to bite the buttons off your shirt when you´re hosing down their shite. I LOVE ÉM!! Wot else we got here....tapirs (4), a capibara (biggest guinea pig in the world), crocodiles (3), turtles (lots), spider monkies (lots) 3 jaguars, a puma, pigs (too many to mention), 2 lions, the most amazing birds and parrots you ever saw (ever clocked eyes on a Zopilote Rey? King vulture to you...bloody fantastically enormously wonderful thing it is)...a deer and her baby that wanders around, pinching your bananas out of your bucket when you´re trying to feed the parrots, an otter called Olly and 54 macaws that fly freely in the trees and some other things that pop up now and again, that I have no name for yet.
We also have killer birds here. Just the 2, but lethal things they are....One is a toucan who just flies around the project wherever the hell he wants, and the other is a Pava Crestada. This bird is at least 12´tall and has feet the size of shovels. Well anyway, this frigging Pava thing escaped the other day and appeared in front of me when I was very happily hosing down a pathway (such is the excitment of my job)...He started to make very funny gutteral sounds and then chased me down the path. ´Ha!´, I thought, ´this is only a mere bird, whatever can it have against me and whatever harm could it do´? Well, I soon found out. This bird obviously did have something against me ´cos it penned me into a corner, then jumped on my head and started pecking any piece of flesh it could find. Oooooer, it didn´t half hurt...
So I did the only brave thing that I could think of..I ran and hid in the toilet. It followed me, still quacking or clucking, whatever the hell it was doing, and stood guard outside the door. I was able to open the door about 2 inches to inform some passing visitors (with a small child), that it was probably best if they ran away from this spot as quickly as they could (all this in my very best Spanish, you understand). When all went quiet I opened the door again. The bird flew onto by back. I knocked it off and ran back into my haven. More visitors walked by. This time I didn´t warn anybody about anything. Hell, anyone who comes to a place like this has got to be prepared for unforseen consenquences. For a split second the bird´s attention was diverted by these new potential meals and I made a run for it. You´ll all I´m sure be most relieved to know I escaped relatively unscathed....
That is until the following morning when I was cleaning out the parrots. Aforementioned toucan would indeed be sectioned, if you could section toucans. ´Cos he likes to divebomb people. I put my head down for only a moment and, crash, his enormous beak came into contact with my head. A Tom and Jerry-like lump appeared immediately, playing havoc with the very attractive hair style I like to keep when I´m travelling. Yesterday, the very same toucan smashed into my forehead, this time producing blood and another very impressive lump. John´s been got only once, lucky bastard.
Apart from that, the job really is very lovely, honest it is...
As for the family we´re staying with...love and happiness oozing out of their every pore - we were smothered with kisses from Bella (mama) as soon as we arrived, who repeatedly tells us how much she LOVES volunteers, then kisses us some more. She force feeds us round the clock and watches as we take every mouthful, saying ´rico´(mmmmmmm - kind of), and ´lindo´ (lovely) at every available opportunity. She is one happy lady. Her husband laughs a lot. Her 9 year old daughter and 3 year old grandson jump up and down on my bed from the minute I get home to the minute I go to bed. No-one speaks ANY English - this applies to EVERYONE at the wildlife centre as well. John sits quietly throughout this mayhem. He says the very minimum he can get away with, takes to his (very own) room when the jumping up and down on my bed begins, and obediently eats everything put in front of him. He had porridge for breakfast this morning. He is a happy man. I however think my head will explode before next Tuesday.
Ok people, there you have just a bried summary of the trials and tribulations of what it is to save the planet.
Keep yourselves pure and enjoy the weather.
Lots of love and kisses and hugs from me and the funny fella.
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Yes folks, we´ve actually been saving it for 7 WHOLE DAYS now....7 excrutiating, painful, agonising days of getting up at 6.00AM, getting a beat up old bus to work, having only ONE HOUR break, before leaving at 3.30....This is indeed a tough life we are leading...Let me explain...
Now then. what does our new job entail? Well, in a nutshell, we´ve been up to our EYEBALLS in shit and filth and rotting papaya (pigs love that) and cleaning everything is sight - pathways, cages, walls...feeding all sorts of lovely creatures - some I´ve never seen or heard of in my entire exsistance....I mean have YOU EVER heard of a Tepezcuintles, eh eh?? Well let me tell you they´re just wonderful little creature things with huge eyes and spotty backs and long licky tongues and they like to stand on your welly boot and try to bite the buttons off your shirt when you´re hosing down their shite. I LOVE ÉM!! Wot else we got here....tapirs (4), a capibara (biggest guinea pig in the world), crocodiles (3), turtles (lots), spider monkies (lots) 3 jaguars, a puma, pigs (too many to mention), 2 lions, the most amazing birds and parrots you ever saw (ever clocked eyes on a Zopilote Rey? King vulture to you...bloody fantastically enormously wonderful thing it is)...a deer and her baby that wanders around, pinching your bananas out of your bucket when you´re trying to feed the parrots, an otter called Olly and 54 macaws that fly freely in the trees and some other things that pop up now and again, that I have no name for yet.
We also have killer birds here. Just the 2, but lethal things they are....One is a toucan who just flies around the project wherever the hell he wants, and the other is a Pava Crestada. This bird is at least 12´tall and has feet the size of shovels. Well anyway, this frigging Pava thing escaped the other day and appeared in front of me when I was very happily hosing down a pathway (such is the excitment of my job)...He started to make very funny gutteral sounds and then chased me down the path. ´Ha!´, I thought, ´this is only a mere bird, whatever can it have against me and whatever harm could it do´? Well, I soon found out. This bird obviously did have something against me ´cos it penned me into a corner, then jumped on my head and started pecking any piece of flesh it could find. Oooooer, it didn´t half hurt...
So I did the only brave thing that I could think of..I ran and hid in the toilet. It followed me, still quacking or clucking, whatever the hell it was doing, and stood guard outside the door. I was able to open the door about 2 inches to inform some passing visitors (with a small child), that it was probably best if they ran away from this spot as quickly as they could (all this in my very best Spanish, you understand). When all went quiet I opened the door again. The bird flew onto by back. I knocked it off and ran back into my haven. More visitors walked by. This time I didn´t warn anybody about anything. Hell, anyone who comes to a place like this has got to be prepared for unforseen consenquences. For a split second the bird´s attention was diverted by these new potential meals and I made a run for it. You´ll all I´m sure be most relieved to know I escaped relatively unscathed....
That is until the following morning when I was cleaning out the parrots. Aforementioned toucan would indeed be sectioned, if you could section toucans. ´Cos he likes to divebomb people. I put my head down for only a moment and, crash, his enormous beak came into contact with my head. A Tom and Jerry-like lump appeared immediately, playing havoc with the very attractive hair style I like to keep when I´m travelling. Yesterday, the very same toucan smashed into my forehead, this time producing blood and another very impressive lump. John´s been got only once, lucky bastard.
Apart from that, the job really is very lovely, honest it is...
As for the family we´re staying with...love and happiness oozing out of their every pore - we were smothered with kisses from Bella (mama) as soon as we arrived, who repeatedly tells us how much she LOVES volunteers, then kisses us some more. She force feeds us round the clock and watches as we take every mouthful, saying ´rico´(mmmmmmm - kind of), and ´lindo´ (lovely) at every available opportunity. She is one happy lady. Her husband laughs a lot. Her 9 year old daughter and 3 year old grandson jump up and down on my bed from the minute I get home to the minute I go to bed. No-one speaks ANY English - this applies to EVERYONE at the wildlife centre as well. John sits quietly throughout this mayhem. He says the very minimum he can get away with, takes to his (very own) room when the jumping up and down on my bed begins, and obediently eats everything put in front of him. He had porridge for breakfast this morning. He is a happy man. I however think my head will explode before next Tuesday.
Ok people, there you have just a bried summary of the trials and tribulations of what it is to save the planet.
Keep yourselves pure and enjoy the weather.
Lots of love and kisses and hugs from me and the funny fella.
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